Too often

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

-John F. Kennedy, 35th US president (1917-1963)

Patience

Patience is also a form of action. 

-Auguste Rodin, sculptor (1840-1917)

Invitation to be grateful

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”  ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”  - - G.K. Chesterton

I was recently at the zoo with a four-year old. Along the Minnesota trail the animals were all readily viewable and active: the beaver (who is hardly ever out), wild canines and cats (featuring a stunning lynx), and black and brown bears only inches away (never mind the glass wall separating us).

My preschool companion kept insisting on going to the next thing: not an unusual tendency for that age, still I felt frustrated. I said, “What we have right here is so good: Look! Enjoy this!”And almost immediately I realized that I do the same thing. I think the next thing will be better, I don’t relish the present moment, I forget to be thankful.

Lately I’ve encountered numerous situations laden with frustration. Plans thwarted or changed, miscommunications, disgruntled peers, two-hours on the phone with a bureaucratic org that accomplished little: the likes of such things are just not pleasurable or preferable to me. Still, these situations hold great invitation -- and don’t invitations consistently hint at something good? I GET to practice stepping into the perspective of the other, accept “what is,” and better yet, find any morsel for which to be grateful.

Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”  ― Alphonse Karr

Though this article is from two years ago, there’s some grand reminders of research-backed benefits of and practical suggestions for gratitude.

BENEFITS

“Cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” has been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life and kinder behavior toward others, including romantic partners. A new study shows that feeling grateful makes people less likely to turn aggressive when provoked…”

“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation.” ― John Ortberg, When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box

SUGGESTIONS

You’ve likely heard some of this before (these from the ‘healthydividends’ article mentioned above), but I know I need to be often reminded, so here goes:

“Start with “gratitude lite.” That’s the term used by Robert A. Emmons, of the University of California, Davis, for the technique used in his pioneering experiments he conducted along with Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami. They instructed people to keep a journal listing five things for which they felt grateful, like a friend’s generosity, something they’d learned, a sunset they’d enjoyed.

The gratitude journal was brief — just one sentence for each of the five things — and done only once a week, but after two months there were significant effects. Compared with a control group, the people keeping the gratitude journal were more optimistic and felt happier. They reported fewer physical problems and spent more time working out.

Try it on your family. No matter how dysfunctional your family, gratitude can still work, says Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California, Riverside.

“Do one small and unobtrusive thoughtful or generous thing for each member of your family on Thanksgiving,” she advises. “Say thank you for every thoughtful or kind gesture. Express your admiration for someone’s skills or talents — wielding that kitchen knife so masterfully, for example. And truly listen, even when your grandfather is boring you again with the same World War II story.” 

Contemplate a higher power. Religious individuals don’t necessarily act with more gratitude in a specific situation, but thinking about religion can cause people to feel and act more gratefully, as demonstrated in experiments by Jo-Ann Tsang and colleagues at Baylor University. Other research shows that praying can increase gratitude..
…Is that too much of a stretch? When all else fails, remember the Monty Python mantra of the Black Plague victim: “I’m not dead.” It’s all a matter of perspective.”

Perspective is huge. “See the invitations rather than the frustrations” may be my mantra for the next couple of months. 

May you find all things good and well, and may you embrace a perspective of gratitude this month!

“Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still I'd like to express my thanks - I've got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night.” ― Irving Berlin

“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.” ― Meister Eckhart

“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works…”  - Psalm 139:14

PS: If you want more, this Greater GoodScience Center site has gobs of ideas and resources, including an interactive, shareable gratitude journal called Thnx4.org,(currently on hiatus, but due to be back up by Thanksgiving this year), gratitude research, and an e-newsletter.

“ThanksGiving is good but ThanksLiving is better.” Matthew Henry

“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace...

Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God.” ― Thomas Merton

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ― Epicurus

Dazzled

Today I got to go to the Science Museum with Gregg, Dan, and Liz. I am always amazed at the complexity of people and life. 

I appreciate when something dazzles me: from apparently simple (though still complex enough to learn much from) to seemingly mysterious. 

This quote and this poem resonate with me. 

"Reverence the highest, have patience with the lowest. 
Are the stars too distant, pick up the pebble at thy feet and from it learn all."  - Margaret Fuller

The Ponds
 
Every year
the lilies
are so perfect
I can hardly believe

their lapped light crowding
the black,
mid-summer ponds.
Nobody could count all of them --

the muskrats swimming
among the pads and the grasses
can reach out
their muscular arms and touch

only so many, they are that
rife and wild.
But what in this world
is perfect?

I bend closer and see

how this one is clearly lopsided --

and that one wears an orange blight --

and this one is a glossy cheek

half nibbled away --

and that one is a slumped purse

full of its own

unstoppable decay.

Still, what I want in my life

is to be willing

to be dazzled --

to cast aside the weight of facts

and maybe even

to float a little
above this difficult world.
I want to believe I am looking

into the white fire of a great mystery.
I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing --
that the light is everything -- that it is more than the sum
of each flawed blossom rising and fading.  And I do.

~ Mary Oliver ~   (House of Light)