Come alive

“Don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go do that…what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

–Howard Thurman

I just tasted a piece of alive-ness: got to experience places unknown and things unseen with my best friend.

Expansive and historic;
I am a grateful girl.

A walking tool

A few years back I asked for and got a pedometer for my birthday. Sadly, I couldn’t get the thing to work (I’ve always had rather rocky relationships with mechanical devices), so the pedometer sits idle on a shelf.

I’m thinking I may need to give it another try. In the April 2008 issue of Health magazine I read, “Researchers say that simply wearing a pedometer will help you walk an extra mile a day.” I wanted a little bit more ‘proof’ than that one sentence, so here’s more, from an online msnbc article citing an analysis that was supported by a grant from the National Institute on Aging –

“The analysis found that increasing physical activity depended on setting a goal and keeping a diary of the number of steps walked each day, said co-author Dr. Dena Bravata of Stanford University. Her report appears in Wednesday’s Journal of the American Medical Association (Nov. 2007)…
Bravata, a practicing internist, and her colleagues analyzed 20 studies from the United States and Canada and half a dozen from Japan, Europe and Australia. The average age of participants was 49, and 85 percent were female because some studies targeted women. The total number of volunteers overall was more than 2,700.
The research showed that pedometer users increased their physical activity by about 27 percent, walking about one mile more a day than they did before they started their step-counting routines. Most of the studies established a baseline by asking these walkers not to change their usual activity while wearing a sealed pedometer, that is, one where they couldn’t see the number of steps, for three to seven days.
On average, the volunteers lost a few pounds. And their blood pressure dropped enough to lower their risk for stroke and heart disease, Bravata said.
Keeping a step diary was key; those who didn’t do that showed no significant increase in walking. Pedometer users who didn’t have a step goal also failed to increase their physical activity.” [From http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21901412/]

Okay then. I haven’t yet started writing down my bites, and now number of steps will be another thing to journal. Maybe April will be the perfect time for a springy-new beginning: to start journaling both food intake and activity.

Notebook at the ready, I’ll be a walking fool with my walking tool.

Do, then feel

A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others
will himself be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25

Yellowstone National Park stream

A wise thought, shared by my pastor, the venerable Will Healy, in a couple of different contexts recently, goes like this:

We can think that

- we do what we do because we feel the way we feel-

but in most instances it is actually that

- we feel the way we feel because we do what we do.

I agree. Often (but not always; truly there are exceptions) my feelings follow my actions. My actions are fed by my thoughts, both cognitive and emotive, and are interrelated; still it is important for me to recall that I can affect my emotions by how I choose to act.

“When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad.
That's my religion.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of the U.S. (1809-1865)

Being mode

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes

A year or so ago I acquired a second-hand book by author Jon Kabat-Zinn on mindfulness (for more on his research, see Jan 12, 2008 blog entry). As I think about being instead of doing, much of what Kabat-Zinn writes is helpful. A few quotes follow:

“A good way to stop all the doing is to shift into the ‘being mode’ for a moment. Think of yourself as an eternal witness, as timeless. Just watch this moment, without trying to change it at all. What is happening? What do you feel? What do you see? What do you hear?”…

“Try: Stopping, sitting down, and becoming aware of your breathing once in a while throughout the day. It can be for five minutes, or even five seconds. Let go into full acceptance of the present moment, including how you are feeling and what you perceive to be happening. For these moments, don’t try to change anything at all, just breathe and let go. Breathe and let be.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn, P 11,12 Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life

It is easy to type out the quote – much harder to apply it in my everyday.

If you see me, ask me how I’m doing; please?

For me, and you

I recently retreated for a day. My spiritual director, in whose home I stayed, initiated the time with a prayer for me to be, and to receive. I know that I want to be more about being rather than doing, and receiving God’s love rather than trying to earn it.

It is EASTER! - a grand time for me to recall that Jesus did the ‘doing’ of suffering, dying, and rising, so that I might have the privilege of being - being loved and in love with Father/Son/Holy Spirit.

On our front door hangs a small child-crafted felt banner with simple images of cross and empty tomb. Both source of the banner (one of my kids made it) and its message are significant to me. It says,

“For me”

It’s also for you, if you want.

“…whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever.” John 3:36 The Message

Let me be

Let me be a little kinder,
Let me be a little blinder
to the faults of
those around me,
Let me praise a little more.
– edgar a. guest

Deep gladness

Amidst the stimulating conversation with friends at supper last night a favorite quote came up:

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

–Frederick Buechner

As I considered today whether to accept an offer to work more hours at a similar job as my present half-time employment, I let those words inform me. Though they speak to an ideal for which our realities don’t always allow indulgence (at present my reality is a job that contributes to the family income but does not much feed my soul), I still want to keep looking for the places of deep hunger around me and identify my areas of deep gladness. I have the luxury of some choices regarding employment (and a caring, supportive husband!), but even without that, many of us have some discretionary time to look for the intersection of another’s hunger and our gladness. [For example: posting to this blog is a gladness to me! And maybe it meets somebody’s hunger for living increasingly well?]

How about you – are you looking for and finding places of deep gladness?

A difference

Act as if what you do makes a difference.

It does.
- William James, psychologist (1842-1910)

Patrick and creation

Saint Patrick (378?-493?) was born in Roman Britain and kidnapped by Irish attackers. After escaping captivity, Patrick returned to Britain and became a priest, and later a bishop. He returned to Ireland 30 years later and, despite the danger, witnessed Christ among the Irish, converting thousands. Patrick often used the things of creation to point beyond to the Creator; one example is his legendary use of the three-leaved shamrock to explain the Holy Trinity to the pre-Christian Irish.

Celtic Christianity, which lasted some 400 years between the fifth and the ninth centuries had an acute sensitivity to the revelation of God in creation. "Reading the works of Celtic Christians," we get the impression, says T. M. Moore, "that if God is making Himself known through the things He has made, then we need to be studying those things carefully, in order to discover His glory, encounter His presence, and learn what we can." [T. M. Moore, “Glory All Around: Celts and Creational Theology,” BreakPoint Online, 19 February 2008; www.breakpoint.org.]

Creation certainly points me to the Creator. As spring will soon unfold, I think often of and express gratitude to an amazingly creative God.

May you too find creative joy in the greening of the days ahead.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
Psalm 8:1

If it works...

My personal philosophy is that if it works, it was God’s idea. To “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:14) rather than possibly negating another’s feelings by giving advice, bears good fruit (see last post). It works: God thought, said, or did it first.
There’s also this idea to “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:14), and dwell on the good (refer to all the words on gratitude in previous posts, and verse below). Thinking on the positive begets more positivity.

“Researchers have found that brain chemistry shows ‘mood congruity.’ Because the brain is an associative network, and because our memories record not just specific details of events but also our feelings about them, when the brain is under the influence of one emotion, it habitually makes connections to past events that triggered the same emotional response. When you’re experiencing stress, your brain is more likely to recall stressful memories from your past than it is upbeat ones. When something frightens you, your mind is more likely to become filled with thoughts of other, apparently unrelated threats than it is examples of feeling safe. This is the essence of mood congruity: your memory system tends to serve up recollections of past events that are themselves congruous with your current mood.” – Steven Johnson, P 145-146, Mind Wide Open

I’ve experienced this phenomenon. One example from a few years back: I was waiting for Gregg to come home, not knowing he’d be later than expected, and getting impatient. [I wanted him to walk in and ‘catch’ me working hard - putting away groceries, making supper, attending to the kitchen mess - so he’d see how much I do! Yes, childish, I know].
As I waited, I found myself spiraling into negativity and occupied with thoughts of ways I felt irritated with him, and felt ready to pounce when he finally did walk through the door. Then I caught myself, and remembered what I'd just read about mood congruity: that happy thoughts perpetuated more happy thoughts, and sad perpetuated sad, and discerned that I had a choice about what to think and feel and act. I could prepare myself to be kind rather than nasty by thinking about all the ways I appreciate Gregg, and all the gifts God has provided me.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, all that is within me, bless his holy name…and forget none of His benefits.” Psalm 103:1-2

“…whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, or good repute, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8

Unsolicited advice

Even though I know better, I occasionally slip into giving unsolicited advice. I want to ‘fix’ the problem, and in the best of motives hope to alleviate some suffering. But I’ve learned that uninvited ‘suggestions’ are usually off-putting and sometimes even harmful. It is better to keep my 'fixes' to myself. I just heard a friend’s story of a great outcome from simply acknowledging the other’s feelings. I am informed and helped along by reminders in such stories or in straightforward words such as these:

“One of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another person’s pain without trying to “fix” it, to simply stand respectfully at the edge of that person’s mystery and misery. Standing there, we feel useless and powerless, which is exactly how a depressed person feels – and our unconscious need as Job’s comforters is to reassure ourselves that we are not like the sad soul before us.
In an effort to avoid those feelings, I give advice, which sets me, not you, free. If you take my advice, you may get well – and if you don’t get well, I did the best I could. If you fail to take my advice, there is nothing more I can do. Either way, I get relief by distancing myself from you, guilt free.” –Parker Palmer, p 63 Let Your Life Speak

"Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda, is he who sings songs to a troubled heart." Proverbs 25:20
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“…mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:14b

See all

"Every sunflower and oak, every dachshund and elephant, every young girl's lithe form and every old man's worn face, has an interior, a depth, a meaning. There is always more, much more than, as we say, meets the eye. There is far more to seeing than a functioning iris and retina. Imagination is required to see all that is involved in what is right before our eyes, to see the surface but also to penetrate beneath the surface. Appearances both conceal and reveal: imagination is our means of discerning one from the other so that we get the whole picture."

- Eugene Peterson, The Jesus WayRebekah, being fishily adorable

Giving attention

Sam Gosling and John Gottman found that we can learn a lot more about what people think by

observing their body language or facial expressions or
looking at their bookshelves and the pictures on their walls

than by asking them directly…
Explanations (of actions) particularly when it comes to the kinds of spontaneous opinions and decisions that arise out of the unconscious, aren’t necessarily correct. - p 155 Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

I find this fascinating. Looking at the pictures on my walls can tell you more about my thoughts than directly talking with me? Really? [Sure, go ahead, here’s a picture of one corner of my living space: take a stab at discerning what I’m all about. Personally I think you’d get more from looking at my bookshelves…]

To whom or what do you pay attention? I recently read an article of a fund-raiser who predicted a donor’s giving preferences and capacity based on verbal and non-verbal observations during dinner; I was amazed at his detailed conclusions. I realize I am quite inept at paying attention to the world around me – I so easily default to my internal world – but I do recognize the value of and want to develop keener observational skills. Paying attention will help me get the whole picture, and move toward wisdom and living well in relationships.

I need help, that’s for sure. Staying in the moment, and pausing long enough to really NOTICE, are ways of being I want more of, along with giving attention to the Giver of all my moments.

“…pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight…” Proverbs 5:1

“Pay attention, come to me: listen and your soul will live.”
Isaiah 55:3 (Jerusalem Bible)

To what lately have you been giving your attention?

Less water

Too much water can kill ya!

My kids say that’s what I said. But I didn’t. I say (and being mistress of this blog and of my reality, it’s my story you get) I said, “Too much of anything, even something seemingly good or harmless, like water, can hurt you.” Of course, they thought I was ridiculous, and started razing me. Turns out, water can kill you. In 2003, some time after the water-can-kill-conversation around the supper table, one of my children emailed me a finding - from a Chemistry textbook of a Luther College peer. I now keep that email in my file labeled “favorite articles”--

“even water, the compound that makes up more than half of our weight and without which there can be no life at all, is harmful and even deadly in excess. Very much like eating huge quantities of sodium chloride, drinking enormous volumes of water can lead to intolerable and potentially fatal imbalances in the composition of the body’s electrolytes and fluids. The result can be mental confusion, lethargy, stupor, coma, and ultimately death. Medical reports tell of endurance runners who, after drinking huge quantities of water during races, exhibit a set of symptoms called ‘water intoxication’ and then lose consciousness. These runners were hospitalized with seizure resembling those of epilepsy. In another case, a Florida woman died tragically in 1977 from drinking as much as 4 gallons of water a day in an effort to rid herself of poisons she believed were accumulating in her body. It was the excessive water rather than her imaginary poisons that killed her.”

And more recently, there’s the tragic story of Californian Jennifer Strange who died of hyperhydration in January 2007, after participating in the "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" contest.

Of course, we most certainly need water: a mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

Memory and focus are on my must-have list.
Too much or too little = not good. Moderation in all things.

“Right? Of course right.” - Yente

More water

In preparation for a medical test, last night I had to drink gobs of fluid, and this morning I am to take in no fluid. So fluid consumption is on my mind. My family says I often don’t take in enough fluids, and they’re likely right.
Here’s a few stats to help motivate me to drink more water (the 1st four statements came from a mass email; I’ve not yet tracked down their sources, so take ‘em with a ‘grain of salt’) --

Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
Even mild dehydration will slow down one’s metabolism
as much as 3%.
In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is mistaken for hunger.
One glass of water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
“If you don't get enough water, the body goes into emergency mode, and clings to every single water molecule it can find, reports the University of Minnesota Water Resources Center. The stored molecules appear as extra weight. The weight is only released once the body gets enough water.” [http://www.webmd.com/]

So, how much is enough?
“Water is an essential nutrient required for life. To be well hydrated, the average sedentary adult man must consume at least 2,900 mL (12 c) fluid per day, and the average sedentary adult woman at least 2,200 mL (9 c) fluid per day, in the form of noncaffeinated, nonalcoholic beverages, soups, and foods. Solid foods contribute approximately 1,000 mL (4 c) water, with an additional 250 mL (1 c) coming from the water of oxidation.” Water An Essential But Overlooked Nutrient, SUSAN M. KLEINER PhD, RD J Am Diet Assoc. Feb 1999; Vol 99, Issue 2, pp 200–206.

And what does not enough water have to do with health?
“Dehydration of as little as 2% loss of body weight results in impaired physiological and performance responses. New research indicates that fluid consumption in general and water consumption in particular can have an effect on the risk of urinary stone disease; cancers of the breast, colon, and urinary tract; childhood and adolescent obesity; mitral valve prolapse; salivary gland function; and overall health in the elderly” (from same source cited immediately above).
Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers (unsubstantiated, but interesting to consider).

All this talk of water reminds me of how great it is that we have clean water so readily available in the U.S. I resolve to not only be grateful for the availability of clean water, but take in more of it as well!

Contemplation

What a man takes in by contemplation, that he pours out in love…
What we plant in the soil of contemplation,
we shall reap in the harvest of action.
- Meister Eckhart

Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him.
Psalm 37:7

Staring

Here's one more quirky tidbit on relationships;
same researcher involved as last post.

"Professor Arthur Aron has been exploring the dynamics of what exactly happens when two people are falling in love. Even the simple action of looking into each other's eyes has a power of its own as proved in his experiments with two complete strangers. For ninety minutes he asked numerous strangers to self disclose intimate details about themselves such as their most embarrassing moment, and how they would feel if they lost a parent, as well as express what they liked about the other person. At the end they were asked to stare into each other's eyes without talking for four minutes. The results were amazing in that many of the couples confessed to feeling deeply attracted and close to the other person. Two of his subjects even married six months afterwards!" From http://www.psychology.sunysb.edu/psychology/news/newsletter/newsletter2.pdf

What do you think? Worth giving it a try? Even for longer-attached types?

-
Four minutes of staring is rather long...
-

Gregg and I have some minutes to spare; there's nothing but a teeny bit of time to lose, and potential for 'deeply attracted and close' to gain. Yep, tonight's the night.

Gregg & Dee, Sunset Point, Capitol Reef National Park, Utah. 2006.

Let me know how it works for you.

Highly exciting

Want a healthier, more satisfying relationship with your significant other?

Do different.

In a study, researcher Arthur Aron, PhD and professor of psychology at State University of New York-Stony Brook, and others (E. Aron, C. Norman, C. McKenna, & R. Heyman) randomly assigned couples to participate in activities that they together considered highly exciting (“novel and arousing”), or highly pleasant but not as exciting.

Drum roll, please, for the results…

The group who did highly exciting but only moderately pleasant activities had a much bigger increase in marital satisfaction,” Aron says.

[Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E.N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. (2000). Couples shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 273-283. Find a few details below.]

I’m thinking now that must be why I’m wanting to go back to Zion National Park with Gregg to hike the ‘Angel’s Landing’ trail to the top. Silly me, I thought it was merely to enjoy the beauty…

Photo immediately above: last steep leg of trail,
Angel's Landing, Zion National Park.
Other photos above: along the way on Angel's Landing Trail

(Examples of "exciting": attending musical concerts, plays, lectures; skiing; hiking; going dancing; a new activity, or activity with new people. Pleasant examples: visiting friends, attending a movie, attending church, eating out. Key determinate for ‘exciting’ was for both partners to consider something unusual, new, interesting, challenging; for the study they did the activity together 1.5 hours/week for 10 weeks.)

Not a puppet master

"If we are truly meant to have a free capacity to choose for or against God, if that is really the perfection of God's creative love for us, then the choices we make must be responses to invitations, not to coercions, manipulations, or orders.

God, in love, protects our freedom by calling to us, not demanding of us. God's invitations may be dramatic and strong, or still and small, but anything more than invitation will not protect our freedom and potential for love.
God will not be a puppet master over humanity."
- Gerald May, p 116, Addiction and Grace

Photo: Angel's Landing trail, Zion National Park

Usually

St. Andrew of Mora, MN, once said,

“Often God and I disagree about life
and how it should work…
usually He’s right.”
-
[Source: Carl Nordgren (jokester & heavy-machine operator)]

Photo: Andrew of Mora; taken by Carl