Ripples of kindness

"There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world." ~Mary Anne Radmacher, American writer and artist

"A kind word is like a Spring day."  ~Russian Proverb

This month’s 1^st Wednesday wellness, with a focus on kindness, takes a look at some research that gives me a little lift. The first two studies below reveal that even babies have an accurate sense of what’s happening around them: of behaviors that are kind or not, or of who might be a friend or not. The last section asserts that adults who merely witness kindness experience elation.

 

The first study, published in 2010, concluded that humans have a rudimentary moral sense from the very start of life that possibly allows them to judge the actions of others (i.e., as good or bad, kind or unkind).

A research team at Yale’s Infant Cognition Center conducted a series of experiments over eight years. The most basic of these experiments involved showing a baby examples of good and bad behavior with puppets or objects (same scenario repeated 6 to 14 times) and observing which behavior the baby preferred. [If you're curious to see how they did this work with babies, watch this 5-min video.]

In the experiment, a puppet is seen trying to open a plastic box. The puppet tries repeatedly, but he just can't open the lid all the way. Then, a bunny puppet comes along and helps open the box. That is followed by a different bunny puppet slamming the box before running away.

The baby is then presented with the two bunnies. Eighty percent of the time, the one-year baby chooses the helpful puppet (bunny or other character) over the mean and unhelpful one. Among three-month-olds, the percentage rises to 87 percent. 
 

The second study is not specifically on kindness, yet is still fascinating in its revelation that infants form positive or negative associations about people and actions. Even before babies have language skills or much information about social structures, they can infer whether other people are likely to be friends or foes by observing their likes and dislikes.

In a 2013 study, done by U Chicago researchers and written about here at Science Daily, 64 nine-month-old infants were randomized into groups to watch videos showing two adults. The adults each ate two foods and reacted in either a positive or a negative way to each food they ate. In some videos the adults shared the same reactions (both liked the food, or both did not), while in others they reacted differently (one liked a particular food, the other did not). 

A second round of videos focused on social interaction. In these, the same adults greeted each other in a friendly way, or crossed arms and turned their backs to each other, with an unfriendly "HMPH." 

The researchers assessed the babies' reactions to the videos by how long they gazed at a still screen at the end of each one. It's known that when babies see something unexpected, they look longer, as they try to make sense of it. The infants' responses suggested that they were surprised when adults who liked the same foods reacted negatively toward each other, and when adults who disagreed about the foods behaved like friends. 

The researchers’ suggest that this is some of the first evidence that young infants are making inferences about the social interactions in the world around them. See more at this NSF Discovery File or read the article.

 

 "When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people."  ~Abraham Joshua Heschel

By the time we’re adults there's been myriad of opportunities to observe the social world, and we've all learned that kindness is greatly preferable to unkindness. Good feelings come from both giving and receiving kindness. Possibly less obvious though is that merely witnessing kind actions is a “peak experience” that is beneficial to our body along with our psyche and spirit.

In this Psychology Today article, researcher and social psychologist/professor Jonathan Haidt, calls the witnessing of kind actions ‘elation’ and describes it as a “warm feeling in the chest, a sensation of expansion in [the] heart, an increased desire to help, and increased sense of connection with others…Elation seems to have a ripple effect, triggering cognitive, emotional, and behavioral changes...It makes people more open, more loving, grateful, compassionate, and forgiving." Research by Haidt and Chris Oveis shows that this 'elation' feeling acts on the vagus nerve, which regulates heart rate. They found that "when people watching a video of an 11-year-old boy who helps the homeless said they felt a warm glow in the chest, there was a corresponding change in heart rhythms, in a way that has been associated with good health." 

Kindness transcends the separateness we often experience as human beings."It connects us to one another, brings a renewed faith in human nature, reminds us of the goodness which human beings are often capable."

"Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not."  ~Samuel Johnson

Maybe especially this month, while still enduring the northern cold of which many of us are weary, we can warm up our moments by collectively seeking out friends, and keenly watching for kindness.

May you enjoy the ripple effect of being, receiving, or witnessing anything kind and good. 

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." ~Ephesians 4:32

"Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns."  ~Author Unknown

"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."  ~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"

The light we throw

Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds.  
- Laura Ingalls Wilder, novelist (1867-1957)

An active reminder

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.  ~Marsha Doble

A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.  ~A.A. Milne

I'm sorry to say that I've never loved to exercise, so I need to remind myself of the benefits of movement. On this first Wednesday of February, I feature a couple of recent studies that intrigue me, and maybe motivate me, at least a little.

For us oldies, excerpted from a favored nytimes wellness blog --

 

[In short - moral of the story: it’s never too late! Never too late to start moving. I like that they qualify active as “one hour per week of moderate or vigorous activity... Formal exercise was not required. An hour per week of “gardening, cleaning the car, walking at a moderate pace, or dancing” counted, said Mark Hamer, a researcher at University College London who led the study.”

“For the study, appearing in the February issue of the British Journal of Sports Medicine, scientists isolated responses from 3,454 healthy, disease-free British men and women aged between 55 and 73 who, upon joining the original study of aging, had provided clear details about their exercise habits, as well as their health, and who then had repeated that information after an additional eight years…

In the eight years between the study’s start and end, the data showed, those respondents who had been and remained physically active aged most successfully, with the lowest incidence of major chronic diseases, memory loss and physical disability. But those people who became active in middle-age after having been sedentary in prior years, about 9 percent of the total, aged almost as successfully. These late-in-life exercisers had about a seven-fold reduction in their risk of becoming ill or infirm after eight years compared with those who became or remained sedentary, even when the researchers took into account smoking, wealth and other factors.”

For you youngers, also excerpted from a recent nytimes wellness blog --

[In short, moral of the story: don’t just sit, get moving, for your brain’s sake! This study, done on rats, whose brains they say are similar enough to humans to extrapolate findings, is a bit harder to follow, with its talk of the rostral ventrolateral medulla and sympathetic nervous system (SNS) affects on vasoconstriction. But, bottom line is that being sedentary seems to cause some neurons to branch out in ways that overstimulate the SNS with potential increased blood pressure and heart disease.]

“For a study recently published in The Journal of Comparative Neurology, scientists at Wayne State University School of Medicine and other institutions gathered a dozen rats. They settled half of them in cages with running wheels and let the animals run at will. Rats like running, and these animals were soon covering about three miles a day on their wheels. The other rats were housed in cages without wheels and remained sedentary.

After almost three months of resting or running, the animals were injected with a special dye that colors certain neurons in the brain…

And, as it turned out, when the scientists looked inside the brains of their rats after the animals had been active or sedentary for about 12 weeks, they found noticeable differences between the two groups in the shape of some of the neurons in that region of the brain.

Using a computerized digitizing program to recreate the inside of the animals’ brains, the scientists established that the neurons in the brains of the running rats were still shaped much as they had been at the start of the study and were functioning normally.

But many of the neurons in the brains of the sedentary rats had sprouted far more new tentacle-like arms known as branches. Branches connect healthy neurons into the nervous system. But these neurons now had more branches than normal neurons would have, making them more sensitive to stimuli and apt to zap scattershot messages into the nervous system.

In effect, these neurons had changed in ways that made them likely to overstimulate the sympathetic nervous system, potentially increasing blood pressure and contributing to the development of heart disease.”

I'm in Minnesota: it seems harder to exercise when it’s subzero outside! (I better qualify that: it’s harder for some of us, not all of us. A few of us seem to do just fine in the cold – namely my CFR office/boss Christopher, see “Didn’t Get Froze”).

Even though it's not easy to exercise, maybe many of us can keep exploring ways to be active? 

May your February include warmth in the midst of cold, and plenty of movement. As always, I wish for only and all goodness for you.

"Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states."  ~Carol Welch

“I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition. I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.”  – I Corinthians 9:26-27, The Message paraphrase

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. ~ Jim Rohn

Fresh start

“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.” ― Meister Eckhart 

A new year means new beginnings. Or at least that’s what I want to focus on for this 1^st Wednesday wellness of the 1^st day of 2014. Five years ago I talked about beginning again (see Jan 2008 blog post): the same theme is with me presently.

Maybe many could benefit from this gentle reminder that we are beginners – yes, all of us, at least in some ways – and that it is good to allow ourselves to start anew. Especially as we ponder resolutions or ways of being that may be more about wellness in the days ahead.  

I read this in “Why We Form New Year’s Resolutions” --

“Recent research helps explains why we pick this date for personal renovation, and how we can restart the clock if we slip up. In work presented last month at the Society for Judgment and Decision Making’s annual conference, and currently in press at Management Science, Hengchen Dai, Katherine Milkman, and Jason Riis of the University of Pennsylvania document what they call the “fresh start effect.” That is, temporal landmarks (such as the beginning of a new year, new month, new week, new haircut, or after a holiday or birthday) often motivate aspirational behavior (like dieting or learning a new skill).

In short, “Dai and her collaborators offer two likely mechanisms for the fresh start effect. First, we like to think we’re improving over time, so we attribute past mistakes to inferior versions of ourselves. And we use our current self-conceptions to inform our behavior, so if you look back and think that you’re a harder worker today than you used to be, you will continue to work harder than you used to.”

Second…. Temporal landmarks “may interrupt linear time, causing us to glance around and consider our ultimate goals. We may then become more motivated to reach those goals, whether we want to lose weight or be a better parent."

“The beginning is the most important part of the work.”
― Plato, The Republic

Lately I have appreciated experimenting with giving interested curious inner attention and acceptance to who and how I am (to emotions, thoughts, body sensations that have meanings). This practice of self-compassion and self-forgiveness feels somewhat like a fresh start, and has the effect of motivating me - not toward license but rather - more toward wellness choices.

Possibly you might also treat yourself with compassion as you consider what this new year might bring? And whether there are resolutions (or, as I like to say instead, intentions) made or not?

As always, I wish you all goodness and wellness in this new year day and each day.

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness..."
Psalm 103:8; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2; Psalm 86:15; Numbers 14:18; Exodus 34:6

"A sunrise is God's way of saying, "Let's start again."

― Todd Stocker, Refined: Turning Pain Into Purpose

“Though your destination is not yet clear /
You can trust the promise of this opening;/
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning /
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure; /
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk; /

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm, /
for your soul senses the world that awaits you.”

–         John O’Donohue,  For a New Beginning, To Bless the Space Between Us

PS: Here’s a bonus!  I am grateful for this idea that my husband offered:

Just for fun, consider the benefits of cold weather (Check out “6 Health Benefits of Cold Weather” -- those of us in the northern climates may as well appreciate the cold since we have to live in it. Did you know that Minnesota has the second-highest life expectancy of any U.S. state? Maybe it has something to do with the cold weather?).

Giving good

“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ― Mother Teresa

 “I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy. I woke and I saw that life is all service. I served and I saw that service is joy.” ― Kahlil Gibran

“’Tis the season to be jolly, falalalala”….

Hmmm, I tend to not feel terribly jolly most Decembers. My to-do list too often outlasts my energy. Many of us buy gifts during this holiday season, and some of us stress about the gift-giving -- I like to give gifts, really I do, but I pressure myself to find the most-fitting gift or best value. Thus, I, most of all, need the reminders offered in this month’s 1^st wellness email (the first two are from this article).

REMINDER #1 – Giving is good for your health.

“Research suggests there may be a biochemical explanation for the positive emotions associated with doing good. In a recent study published (2006, not so recent anymore; Dee’s editorial note) in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, participants’ brains were monitored by MRI scans while they made decisions about donating part of their research payment to charitable organizations. When participants chose to donate money, the brain’s mesolimbic system was activated, the same part of the brain that’s activated in response to monetary rewards, sex, and other positive stimuli. Choosing to donate also activated the brain’s subgenual area, the part of the brain that produces feel-good chemicals, like oxytocin, that promote social bonding.”

Paul Wink and Michele Dillon found a similar pattern when they looked at data collected every decade on a group of San Francisco Bay Area residents beginning in the 1930s. Those who volunteered and engaged in other forms of giving when they were adolescents were much less likely to become depressed, even as they got older.

 “For it is in giving that we receive.” ― St. Francis of Assisi

REMINDER #2 – Giving spreads good cheer – to others and to ourselves.

“When you’re experiencing compassion, benevolence, and kindness, they push aside the negative emotions…Even better, feeling good and doing good can combine to create a positive feedback loop, where doing good helps us to feel good and feeling good also makes us more likely to do good..

“Numerous studies have found that happy people are more helpful," says Dr. David Myers, a social psychologist at Hope College and author of The Pursuit of Happiness. “Those who've just found money in a phone booth are more likely to help a passerby with dropped papers. Those who feel successful are more likely to volunteer as a tutor."

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” ― Winston S. Churchill

REMINDER #3 – Giving happens most easily from a place of abundance.

Having the resources internally - to extend kindness to and have compassion toward others - starts with kindness and compassion toward yourself.

Lately I’ve been experimenting with a few questions that are helping me foster some loving attention toward my own self:

*Is there any important feeling inside me right now that needs listening to? (anything that is keeping me from feeling free or peaceful or good?)

*Is it okay to bring some loving care to that place? (to that emotion, feeling, or body sensation)

“Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.” – Lao-Tzu

“Giving yourself some loving attention is not selfish. It is sensible. If you feel loved and cherished--even if it is only by yourself--then you will have more love to give to others, too.” ― Penelope Quest, Reiki for Life: A Complete Guide to Reiki Practice

May this season be full of giving and receiving, full of the good gifts of love and compassionate: from others, to others, to yourself.

It is more blessed to give that to receive. - Acts 20:35

An extra: See below (can follow this link for source) for

5 easy things you can do to help others—and yourself: 

• Volunteer. Research shows that people who volunteer just two hours per week (about 100 hours per year) have better physical health and are less depressed. To find volunteer opportunities in your area, visit Volunteer Match or contact your local church or school.
• Informally offer help to family, friends, and neighbors. Lend a needed tool, bring dinner to someone who’s sick, feed pets for neighbors on vacation, or offer a ride to someone who lacks a car.
• Donate. It doesn’t have to be a lot of money. Toss change into coffee cans at cash registers or support local organizations by buying a raffle ticket. Look for opportunities to give within your means. You’ll help make the world a better place and make yourself feel better too.
• Listen. Sometimes all others need is someone to lend a sympathetic ear to make them feel heard, cared for and loved.
• Make other people (and yourself) smile. The easiest way to make other people happy is to act happy yourself, even if it’s not how you feel. “Sometimes we can act ourselves into a way of thinking,” says Myers. “So like the old song says, 'Put on a happy face.' Talk as if you have self-esteem and are outgoing and optimistic. Going through the motions can awaken the emotions.”

“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.” ― Amy Wilson-Carmichael

Too often

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

-John F. Kennedy, 35th US president (1917-1963)

Patience

Patience is also a form of action. 

-Auguste Rodin, sculptor (1840-1917)

Invitation to be grateful

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”  ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”  - - G.K. Chesterton

I was recently at the zoo with a four-year old. Along the Minnesota trail the animals were all readily viewable and active: the beaver (who is hardly ever out), wild canines and cats (featuring a stunning lynx), and black and brown bears only inches away (never mind the glass wall separating us).

My preschool companion kept insisting on going to the next thing: not an unusual tendency for that age, still I felt frustrated. I said, “What we have right here is so good: Look! Enjoy this!”And almost immediately I realized that I do the same thing. I think the next thing will be better, I don’t relish the present moment, I forget to be thankful.

Lately I’ve encountered numerous situations laden with frustration. Plans thwarted or changed, miscommunications, disgruntled peers, two-hours on the phone with a bureaucratic org that accomplished little: the likes of such things are just not pleasurable or preferable to me. Still, these situations hold great invitation -- and don’t invitations consistently hint at something good? I GET to practice stepping into the perspective of the other, accept “what is,” and better yet, find any morsel for which to be grateful.

Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”  ― Alphonse Karr

Though this article is from two years ago, there’s some grand reminders of research-backed benefits of and practical suggestions for gratitude.

BENEFITS

“Cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” has been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life and kinder behavior toward others, including romantic partners. A new study shows that feeling grateful makes people less likely to turn aggressive when provoked…”

“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation.” ― John Ortberg, When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box

SUGGESTIONS

You’ve likely heard some of this before (these from the ‘healthydividends’ article mentioned above), but I know I need to be often reminded, so here goes:

“Start with “gratitude lite.” That’s the term used by Robert A. Emmons, of the University of California, Davis, for the technique used in his pioneering experiments he conducted along with Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami. They instructed people to keep a journal listing five things for which they felt grateful, like a friend’s generosity, something they’d learned, a sunset they’d enjoyed.

The gratitude journal was brief — just one sentence for each of the five things — and done only once a week, but after two months there were significant effects. Compared with a control group, the people keeping the gratitude journal were more optimistic and felt happier. They reported fewer physical problems and spent more time working out.

Try it on your family. No matter how dysfunctional your family, gratitude can still work, says Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California, Riverside.

“Do one small and unobtrusive thoughtful or generous thing for each member of your family on Thanksgiving,” she advises. “Say thank you for every thoughtful or kind gesture. Express your admiration for someone’s skills or talents — wielding that kitchen knife so masterfully, for example. And truly listen, even when your grandfather is boring you again with the same World War II story.” 

Contemplate a higher power. Religious individuals don’t necessarily act with more gratitude in a specific situation, but thinking about religion can cause people to feel and act more gratefully, as demonstrated in experiments by Jo-Ann Tsang and colleagues at Baylor University. Other research shows that praying can increase gratitude..
…Is that too much of a stretch? When all else fails, remember the Monty Python mantra of the Black Plague victim: “I’m not dead.” It’s all a matter of perspective.”

Perspective is huge. “See the invitations rather than the frustrations” may be my mantra for the next couple of months. 

May you find all things good and well, and may you embrace a perspective of gratitude this month!

“Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still I'd like to express my thanks - I've got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night.” ― Irving Berlin

“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.” ― Meister Eckhart

“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works…”  - Psalm 139:14

PS: If you want more, this Greater GoodScience Center site has gobs of ideas and resources, including an interactive, shareable gratitude journal called Thnx4.org,(currently on hiatus, but due to be back up by Thanksgiving this year), gratitude research, and an e-newsletter.

“ThanksGiving is good but ThanksLiving is better.” Matthew Henry

“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace...

Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God.” ― Thomas Merton

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ― Epicurus