Holding loosely

What is needed is to learn afresh, to observe, and to discover for ourselves the meaning of wholeness.” – David Bohn

I’ve been planning a baby shower for my first grandchild (to see that grand baby Noah, follow the “our pictures!” link here or to the right). In addition to honoring the baby and parents, the shower will be about remembering the infants and infant care practices that have come before. As I’ve gathered information on baby care past and present I am reminded of how much we really don’t know. What we think we “know” is ever changing. For example, here’s some baby care advice from some years before contrasted to now.

-“Fruit juice should be started when the baby is 2 weeks old…Cereals may be started when the baby is about 4 months old.” [1945, US Federal Security Agency, Infant Care publication] -Versus- “Breast milk is the only food your baby should have for at least the first six months.” [2005, Am Academy of Pediatrics, Pediatrics 115(2):496-506]

- “Babies do not see very much soon after birth.” [1945 Infant Care publication] -Versus- newborns “can see objects at close range (within 8-10 inches)…” [2001, Klaus & Kennel, Your Amazing Newborn]

- “Feed your baby at exactly the same hours every day.” [1938, Children’s Bureau, US Dept of Labor] -Versus- “Feed him whenever he gives any cues that he’s hungry and at least eight to twelve times a day.” [2005, Giving Birth With Confidence]

I’m thinking then that it behooves us to hold onto what we ‘know’ loosely. And not just in baby care, but in health practices, and ways of thinking and being.

How does holding loosely to what we know contribute to wellness? A counselor once said to me that “to get a good depression going, you need a strong attachment to being right, good, and in control.” (It was when I did – have a good depression going, and when I wanted – to be good, right, and in control. No longer do I have or do I intensely want that.)

For me, greater wellness has involved learning to let go of knowing and relax my rigid ways of thinking. I don’t have any research to mention in support, but anecdotally I’ve noticed that as I’ve loosened my grip on knowing or having the answer, I feel less internal stress and more enjoyment in the moment. It has freed me to listen to others and learn. Not needing to do it just right has lessened my fear of failure and given me a willingness to embrace adventure and try new ways. If I can delight in the process rather than the result, I more easily enjoy being flexible and releasing control of outcomes.

I’ve been reading lately about mindfulness meditation, described by author and researcher Jon Kabat-Zinn as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally. This kind of attention nurtures greater awareness, clarity, and acceptance of present-moment reality. It wakes us up to the fact that our lives unfold only in moments. ” This stance of accepting attention to the present moment helps me hold 'knowing' more loosely.

On these thoughts of release and living in the now, Jesus’ words convey a supreme – divine even! - wisdom for living well,

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving...Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.” –Matthew 6: 32, 34 (The Message paraphrase)

Wishes for y'all to hold loosely and let each moment be just as it is.

The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. – Proverbs 16:9

[This post's photos show 3 generations of Menning baby boys - Gregg, Mark, Noah - who have helped and are helping teach me to 'hold loosely.']

Already present

"Simple attentiveness, moment by moment, can open us to see and receive what is already present - the touch of God and heaven in our midst."
- Tilden H. Edwards

Alaskan mountain picture taken by Seth Menning

Inconsistencies

If a man would register all his opinions upon love, politics, religion, learning, etc.,

beginning from his youth and so go on to old age,

what a bundle of inconsistencies and contradictions would appear at last!

-Jonathan Swift, satirist (1667-1745)

A grand child

Last night, at 10:18 PM, our first grandchild was born. Noah Elloyd Menning, son of Mark and Bri Nordstand Menning arrived weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces and measuring 21 1/2 inches long.

Here’s just a few quotes and pictures to celebrate the new sweet arrival.

“Perfect love sometimes does not come until grandchildren are born.” – Welsh proverb

“Your sons weren't made to like you. That's what grandchildren are for.” - Jane Smiley

“The nice thing about grandchildren is that you aren't too busy supporting them to have time to enjoy them.” Anonymous

"Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old.” - Mary H. Waldrip

Richer

"In youth we feel richer for every new illusion;

in maturer years, for every one we lose."

-Madame Anne Sophie Swetchine, mystic (1782-1857)

“Parker Palmer offers an insight into the experience of disillusionment: when we are disillusioned, we are sad, defeated, empty, and perhaps feeling betrayed; something we believed or trusted in has been taken away. Palmer notes, however, that the word suggests that what we have lost is an illusion; we believed in something we thought was real, but it was not real at all. Rather than mourn the loss of illusion, we might want to consider accepting the ‘disillusionment’ with gratitude – after all, we’ve realized we trusted something that turned out to be more mirage than reality…

As the old Zen saying has it: “Barn burned down- now I can see the moon.” Our “barns” of innocence and ambition sometimes burn down, and we mourn all the accomplishments and personal meaning we were going to store in them – but now we can see a reality beyond the barn that before was hidden.”

- Arthur Gross-Schaefer and Steve Jacobsen, from article “Understanding Clergy Burnout” in Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Greatest bestest

Happy Father's Day!!

Love and gratitude to all attentive fathers, but especially to the father of my children. Gregg, you are the most greatest bestest!

If you know what I mean.

Make you happy?

Want to know what will make you happy? Then ask for neighborly advice - or so says a study from Harvard University, which shows that another person's experience is often more informative than your own best guess.

The study, which appears in the March 2009 issue of Science (Vol. 323, no. 5921, pp 1617-1619), was led by Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard and author of the 2007 bestseller "Stumbling on Happiness," along with Matthew Killingsworth and Rebecca Eyre, also of Harvard, and Timothy Wilson of the University of Virginia.

"If you want to know how much you will enjoy an experience, you are better off knowing how much someone else enjoyed it than knowing anything about the experience itself," says Gilbert. "People do not realize what a powerful source of information another person's experience can be because they mistakenly believe that everyone is remarkably different from everyone else.” [From a Harvard news release]

Even though I’d rather believe that I really am remarkably different from anyone else, I’m leaning into this idea of learning from another’s experience. Just last night I listened to a couple of friends’ perspective: their wisdom gained from experience is now informing one of my decisions around vocation.

Cloud pictures

The heavens are telling the glory of God.

Psalm 19:1

Don't really know why, but I'm fascinated with clouds and love to take their picture. Of course, the photo never really captures the beauty, but nonetheless I persist. Certainly the created order reminds me of the Creator, and maybe my attentive fascination is as simple as that.

Attentiveness is the natural prayer of the soul.
- Nicolas de Malebranche