Holding loosely

What is needed is to learn afresh, to observe, and to discover for ourselves the meaning of wholeness.” – David Bohn

I’ve been planning a baby shower for my first grandchild (to see that grand baby Noah, follow the “our pictures!” link here or to the right). In addition to honoring the baby and parents, the shower will be about remembering the infants and infant care practices that have come before. As I’ve gathered information on baby care past and present I am reminded of how much we really don’t know. What we think we “know” is ever changing. For example, here’s some baby care advice from some years before contrasted to now.

-“Fruit juice should be started when the baby is 2 weeks old…Cereals may be started when the baby is about 4 months old.” [1945, US Federal Security Agency, Infant Care publication] -Versus- “Breast milk is the only food your baby should have for at least the first six months.” [2005, Am Academy of Pediatrics, Pediatrics 115(2):496-506]

- “Babies do not see very much soon after birth.” [1945 Infant Care publication] -Versus- newborns “can see objects at close range (within 8-10 inches)…” [2001, Klaus & Kennel, Your Amazing Newborn]

- “Feed your baby at exactly the same hours every day.” [1938, Children’s Bureau, US Dept of Labor] -Versus- “Feed him whenever he gives any cues that he’s hungry and at least eight to twelve times a day.” [2005, Giving Birth With Confidence]

I’m thinking then that it behooves us to hold onto what we ‘know’ loosely. And not just in baby care, but in health practices, and ways of thinking and being.

How does holding loosely to what we know contribute to wellness? A counselor once said to me that “to get a good depression going, you need a strong attachment to being right, good, and in control.” (It was when I did – have a good depression going, and when I wanted – to be good, right, and in control. No longer do I have or do I intensely want that.)

For me, greater wellness has involved learning to let go of knowing and relax my rigid ways of thinking. I don’t have any research to mention in support, but anecdotally I’ve noticed that as I’ve loosened my grip on knowing or having the answer, I feel less internal stress and more enjoyment in the moment. It has freed me to listen to others and learn. Not needing to do it just right has lessened my fear of failure and given me a willingness to embrace adventure and try new ways. If I can delight in the process rather than the result, I more easily enjoy being flexible and releasing control of outcomes.

I’ve been reading lately about mindfulness meditation, described by author and researcher Jon Kabat-Zinn as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally. This kind of attention nurtures greater awareness, clarity, and acceptance of present-moment reality. It wakes us up to the fact that our lives unfold only in moments. ” This stance of accepting attention to the present moment helps me hold 'knowing' more loosely.

On these thoughts of release and living in the now, Jesus’ words convey a supreme – divine even! - wisdom for living well,

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving...Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.” –Matthew 6: 32, 34 (The Message paraphrase)

Wishes for y'all to hold loosely and let each moment be just as it is.

The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. – Proverbs 16:9

[This post's photos show 3 generations of Menning baby boys - Gregg, Mark, Noah - who have helped and are helping teach me to 'hold loosely.']