Diminished

When we do not love,
love the wrong things,
or even love the right things in the wrong ways,
the soul becomes diminished.

- Charles Colson

Give life

A little colorful tree, as newest addition to our yard, now adorns the front of our house. We watered it lavishly after planting. Thinking of water and trees and life, Psalm 1 came to mind.

How blessed is the (wo)man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers. Psalm 1:1-3

I especially like and am soothed as I ponder the paraphrase of these verses offered as prayer by Nan Merrill, who writes:

“Blessed are those who walk hand in hand with goodness, who stand beside virtue,
who sit in the seat of truth;
For their delight is in the Spirit of Love, and in Love’s heart they dwell day and night.
They are like trees planted by streams of water, that yield fruit in due season, and their leaves flourish;
and in all that they do, they give life.”

Color matters

I am delighted God gifted us with the perception of colors.

Autumn ushers in glorious color and I revel in the oranges and yellows and reds of these showy leaf days. Another color thing: just last weekend I got to help paint walls in colors of "smoky topaz" and "jute brown" at one of my kids’ home. Those colors seemed to warm up the room making it feel more homey.

My fascination with color caused me to investigate - just a bit. I went the easy route of Wikipedia after a brief web search brought up lame links. So, here's a few fun 'facts' from

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_psychology:

“Color consultants claim hues in the red area of color are typically viewed as "warm" while those in the blue and green range are typically viewed as "cool". Reds are also viewed as active and exciting, while the blues and greens are viewed as soothing and passive. Physiological tests have revealed similar responses. It's claimed that red hues
increase bodily tension and stimulate the autonomic nervous system, while "cool" hues release tension. Black is considered one of a kind, as it can be either evil and malevolent, yet it also stands for elitism and style. White is associated with purity whereas gray is viewed as dull or boring.

Color consultants also point to an increasing number of studies linking colors to specific responses. One study found that weight lifters have more powerful performances in blue rooms, and another study found that babies cry more frequently in yellow rooms. Another (by Dr. Alexander Schauss, Ph.D., of the American Institute for Biosocial Research, cited on Color Matters: pink) used Baker-Miller Pink ("drunk tank pink") or ("Pepto-Bismol pink") to calm prisoners.”

Blue pumps up, yellow upsets, and pink calms - color matters!

Words about joy

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

- Proverbs 17:22

"Joy is not the absence of pain, but the presence of God."
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy, In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. - Psalm 16:11

Slime mold

I read today that slime mold can solve puzzles.

At the 18th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony at Harvard University, awards that honor achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think" were handed out in ten categories. One of the categories was cognitive science: that's where the slime mold work was singled out.

[Here's the brief abstract: "The plasmodium of the slime mould Physarum polycephalum is a large amoeba-like cell consisting of a dendritic network of tube-like structures (pseudopodia). It changes its shape as it crawls over a plain agar gel and, if food is placed at two different points, it will put out pseudopodia that connect the two food sources. Here we show that this simple organism has the ability to find the minimum-length solution between two points in a labyrinth." Article "Intelligence: Maze-Solving by an Amoeboid Organism" in Nature, Volume 407, Issue 6803, pp. 470 (2000)]

Picture of slime mold at right is from Olympic National Park, USA (Possibly Physarum). Pic posted at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slime_mould

What I find myself distracted from - is reading and hearing about the presidential candidates' views on various issues.

Slime mold seems to rise to the top for me. I'm not proud of that.

New lands

"One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." - Andre Gide

During discussions in this election season, I am both enjoying lively interactions and recognizing uneasiness in myself. I have a deep respect for not only varying opinions, but also for any willingness to truly listen to differing viewpoints. I have an even greater respect for another and for myself when there is a willingness to consider a change in thinking.
But I am also acutely aware of my rather bipolar feelings around change: I have a fair amount of discomfort with a new way of thinking or being, as well as excitement that change may indicate or lead to newness, and that God is gracing me with willingness to step into some change.

Change: both unsettling and life-giving. It feels akin to discovering new lands after consenting to lose sight of the shore for a long time.

Argument chillers

Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

Happier couples know how to avoid damaging out-of-control arguments. Successful attempts to chill an argument include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for.…"). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

Taking time to calm may be especially important to the guy. In an interview posted online (“The Mathematics of Love: A John Gottman Talk” at http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/gottman05/gottman05_index.html) Gottman reports finding significant gender differences when there is disagreement on an issue. A man is angrier presenting the issue than a woman would be. A woman, when receiving an issue, is much more sad than a man would be receiving that same issue.
Why? He says, “Women are finely tuned to attaching and connecting and to sadness and loss and grief, while men are attuned to defend, stay vigilant, attack, to anger… men have a lower flash point for increasing heart-rate arousal, and it takes them longer to recover. And not only that, but when men are trying to recover, and calm down, they can't do it very well because they keep naturally rehearsing thoughts of righteous indignation and feeling like an innocent victim. They maintain their own vigilance and arousal with these thoughts, mostly of getting even, whereas women really can distract themselves and calm down physiologically from being angered or being upset about something.”

Wishes for calm all around!

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. Proverbs 12:16

Heated discussion, anyone?

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

After experiencing some heated discussion in the past month (both witnessing and being a part of), I thought again of John Gottman’s research on the importance of relational positivity (it’s best to have at least a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative encounters!). His focus is on couples, but the principles apply to many relationships, and may be especially pertinent now during discussions this election season.

Here's a few suggestions (offered on Gottman’s web site: http://www.gottman.com/marriage/self_help/):

· Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, "We laugh a lot," not "We never have any fun." A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity.

· Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," and her husband replies, "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them," it might indicate a shaky marriage. A husband's ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.

· Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.

· Soften your "start up." Bring up problems gently and without blame. Avoid making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone, especially at the start.

· Seek help early. The average couple lives with unhappiness far too long, waiting six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years).

· Have high standards. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.

Avoiding a quarrel is honorable. After all, any stubborn fool can start a fight. Proverbs 20:3