Unsolicited advice

Even though I know better, I occasionally slip into giving unsolicited advice. I want to ‘fix’ the problem, and in the best of motives hope to alleviate some suffering. But I’ve learned that uninvited ‘suggestions’ are usually off-putting and sometimes even harmful. It is better to keep my 'fixes' to myself. I just heard a friend’s story of a great outcome from simply acknowledging the other’s feelings. I am informed and helped along by reminders in such stories or in straightforward words such as these:

“One of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another person’s pain without trying to “fix” it, to simply stand respectfully at the edge of that person’s mystery and misery. Standing there, we feel useless and powerless, which is exactly how a depressed person feels – and our unconscious need as Job’s comforters is to reassure ourselves that we are not like the sad soul before us.
In an effort to avoid those feelings, I give advice, which sets me, not you, free. If you take my advice, you may get well – and if you don’t get well, I did the best I could. If you fail to take my advice, there is nothing more I can do. Either way, I get relief by distancing myself from you, guilt free.” –Parker Palmer, p 63 Let Your Life Speak

"Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda, is he who sings songs to a troubled heart." Proverbs 25:20
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“…mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:14b